This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
