Your face is a jimmy john
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
