I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
