remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
In America we eat man semen.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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