i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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