final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
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