Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
