Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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