I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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