My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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