they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
