it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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