What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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