does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Text me some of your sweat
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