if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
