awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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