I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
