Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
