yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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