Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
