I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
