I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
