i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
