dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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