You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
