I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
