Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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