dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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