He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
