so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
