haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
