He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
