He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
