Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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