yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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