My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
