I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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