high people should be assigned attendants
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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