can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
