I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
