I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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