also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
