yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
