If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
