Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
