my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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