I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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