She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
