I think i peed on brittanys purse
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize