one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
this boner is exhausting
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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