I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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