I must be too annoying 4 u.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
