So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize