i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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