You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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