Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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