you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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