I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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