Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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