That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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