"it" just moved
I can text with my tongue
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
