He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
