Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
