I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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