i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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