Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
