I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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