i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
