She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
