he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
