Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
