i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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