I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
