I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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