mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
