apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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