you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize