That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
