my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
