good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
